I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this. I have had alot of close friends that ask me about Callie's Story. I had the desire today to share it. This is her story....
I found out about our precious Callie when I was 3 weeks pregnant. I was scared to death to tell her daddy, not sure what he would think...
From the start Callie was a tuff little girl! At 8 weeks along, I found out that I had Placenta Previa, and I was ordered to be on bed rest till further notice. Callie was our third baby, Mya Julianne was 2 years old, and Matthew Clayton, was 9 months old. We somehow managed to get through it till about 18 weeks. I had a doctor's appointment where they were going to do a sonogram. The doctors saw something that he thought might be Downs syndrome. We went to a specialist, they did a sonogram, and we found out that we were having a girl, and that our precious Callie was healthy as she can be.
At 24 weeks I went into pre-term labor. We went to the hospital, stayed the night, no baby, thank goodness! We knew that Callie was too early to come now, and some how by God's grace He allowed her to stay put.
At 28 weeks we were at church. In Sunday school, my water broke. We went back to the hospital, checked in, and just waited to see what was going to happen. We were told that we were going to be there for a while. Daddy went home to take care of the kids, and mommy tried to get some sleep. The next morning about 7 am I went into early labor. Callie was ready to see the world. I labored with her for 5 hours. She was born January 2, 2006 at 1:18 pm. 2 pounds, 14 ounces.
She was so beautiful. She was pink, and had tiny little hands and feet. We held her for a moment, then kissed our little girl goodbye. She was sent to the NICU where she was intubated, and put on a ventilator. We were playing the waiting game now. We knew that there may be something wrong, but we would just have to wait and see what happens.
12 hours later, Callie developed blood infections that caused her oxygen to drop. They would "bag" her for a few moment then bring her back up to normal. They move her to a oscillator with nitric gas to breath for her. That night was a rough one. I wasn't sure what to think. Daddy came back to the hospital the next day. I had sat by Callie's bed all night. We went to my room to get some sleep. Tuesday our preacher came up to see Callie. By that time we thought that she was going to leave us that night. They would bag her every 5 minutes. It was a rough day. She had been through so much already.
I prayed to God and told Him that He could have her if that was His will. This was the hardest thing I ever had to do. To just receive this precious gift from heaven, then have to give her back so soon. It didn't seem fair. When Matthew came back to the room, he told me that she was still critical, but stable. We went to bed that night worried.
The next day, Wednesday, the doctor told us that they think she might have a brain bleed. This was cause from the bagging to bring her oxygen up. We didn't know how bad it was. They did the test and found out that the level was a 3, with 4 being the worse, we feared the worse.
Wednesday was about the same. It was an emotional roller coaster. Callie grandparents, aunts and uncles all came to see her that night. She was doing OK. I expressed the concern to her doctor that if worse came to worse and Callie wasn't going to make it, I wanted to hold her before she passes, because I didn't want her in that incubator alone. I wanted her to know that I was with her, and that I loved her so much. She was with me when she came into the world, and I wanted her with me if she was to slip out of the world.
That night was unusually quiet. I find myself thinking of it as the "calm before the storm". Thursday morning we woke up the a call from her nurse telling us that Callie was the same, and she wanted to know when we would be over to see her. The talked for about 10 minutes, then hung up. Not 5 minutes later, her doctor called us right back to tell us that she had taken a turn for the worse, and he wanted to see us right away. We rushed over there, to see little Callie so tired, and struggling to stay alive. I knew that she had enough. I couldn't bear to see her struggle anymore. I wanted her to be free from pain and suffering.
He told us that Callie had developed meningitis, pneumonia, and her brain bleed has gone to a 4. We knew that she would never recover. We told her doctor that we wanted to hold her and say goodbye.
They showed to a private room, we were there maybe 5 minutes when they brought her in the incubator. I asked her doctor how long she would have, he said maybe 30 minutes. When I held her my heart melted. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me and my family. This was the type of thing that you hear about that happens to your friends, cousin's mother, or something of that sort. It was reality hitting me all at once.
I held my little girl so tight. I wrapped her in a blanket was her big sister's when she was a baby. In hopes that her smell would transfer over so I could always remember her smell. I wiped her eyes, and she moved her head toward me when I did. I bonded with her so quickly, and in those few moments that I had with her she stole my heart all over again. Her daddy held her too. He was so proud of his little fighter.
Callie's heart beat so hard for us for 4 more hours. She slipped into heaven at 11:00 that morning. Her little faced glowed when she passed. She had a golden color about her.
I went into the NICU with the nurse, and I gave my baby her first bath. She was so tiny, and so precious. She didn't look like the baby that I just had only 4 days ago. She wasn't there anymore. She was in heaven now with Jesus. He was her comforter now. I could just see Him rocking her to sleep in her new life with no pain or suffering. I bathed her, and put a tiny little dress on her. It was white and it had a tiny hat with booties. I dressed her then wrapped her up in her blanket and went back to the room.
When our family started to arrive, they each held her and cried their tears of sorrow. We stayed in the room for about 2 more hours, I then decided that it was that time to leave our precious Callie. I took her back to the NICU, I watched as the nurse undressed her and gave me her clothes, and all her little trinkets that she has acquired over the past 4 days. The hard part was now. I held her for a moment, kissed her and put her back in the bed, and I left. I was so much in shock. I didn't know what was happening. I sat in the lobby waiting for Matthew to come with the truck , and I couldn't help but watch all the new mothers leaving with their babies, and all I had with me was a box with her clothes, and her blankets in it. This wasn't happening to me.
I arrived home to a house full of family. I had so much to do. I didn't want Callie to go to the hospital Morgue. I called a close friend of ours that was a funeral director. He was there in less than an hour to get her. I went to bed that night lost in my thoughts.
Sunday came, the day of her viewing. We had to meet the funeral director that morning at the cemetery to see where she was going to be buried. I was nervous about seeing her. Eddie told us to go to the funeral home and see what she looks like, and that it would make me feel better. When we arrived there, it was a weird feeling. I wanted to see her but I also wanted to remember her as I knew her. When I walked in the room, there was a tiny casket, with what looked like a baby doll sleeping in it. She was absolutely beautiful. Nothing like I imagined her to look like. I really do not know what I was expecting, but it was total opposite. I bought her a necklace with a cross, and her own Bible with her name on it. The dress that she wore was a baby doll dress that I found at a doll shop,it fit her perfectly. It was a white gown that hung past her feet, with pink bows, and a white bonnet. She looked like an angel. Eddie was right, it made me feel much better. We had the viewing. I was shocked at how many people showed up. Eddie said that he counted over 300 people that came.
After the viewing was over, I new that this was the last time I would see Callie. Everyone left the room,but me and Matthew and my little sister Emily. Emily was 10 years old. She just starred at Callie. I didn't say anything to her. My mom came in shortly after and took her out to the car. I didn't want to leave Callie. I kissed her tiny head, and told her that I loved her very much, and I would see her again soon. Matthew helped me leave, because I didn't want to on my own. I watched the funeral director close her casket, and start to turn the lights out. My mom told me that Emily didn't want to leave her either, and that she cried the whole way home. I went home dreading the next day.
The funeral was that morning. We arrived at the church. We met in the back with all the family. We walked through the front of the church into the service. Little Callie's casket was so tiny. I didn't even see her casket at first it was hidden among the flowers. We sat through the service. Eddie sang "As the Deer". To my amazement, I didn't even cry. I was surprised, I guess maybe I was cried out for the time being. The preachers did a wonderful job, I couldn't have asked for more. They played "A Brighter Day" at the end of the service. I was very happy with how everything turned out.
We buried Callie the next day. We met at the cemetery and had a small service with just family. I was glad that everything was finally over with to be honest. It had already been a week since she died, and it felt like 10 years.
I have never told anyone all these details about Callie. I think I had built a wall to try to shut it all out. I grieve for Callie every day. I think about her every single day. It is a hard thing to go through. But to anyone that has ever lost a baby, I know how it feels. I hope that Callie's story touches someone that reads this. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, and it can be a very lonely time as well. Just know that God is always there.
30-celine Dion-the First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
